i just had this crazy dream

i moved my bed and made it into a fort and whenever i sleep in new places i always sleepwalk/have the craziest dreams, so this is what happened last night;

I had a dream that I was back in the house I grew up in and I was with my little brother and we were just kids, I was outside and all of a sudden i heard a familiar voice call my name, it was jim, my moms stalker rl stalker (hes been to jail and everything because of it and is crazy) and i turned around to see him with his shirt off smoking something on the deck. i screamed and freaked out and ran inside and he just laughed at me and kept fiddling with some like vase of moss or something that he was smoking. I picked up a black coordless phone and told my brother to lock the door, I picked it up and thought to myself that every other time I had tried 911 in a dream I had messed it up somehow, i carefully dialed 911, and it was the first time it worked. The operator asked me what was up and i said that my moms stalker was at our house trying to kill us, but i couldnt remember our address, i gave her my old phone number first and then walked out the front door to look at our house number which didnt look the same as my old house number, it was now like Jgg, but i could remember the street name so i fired off my address and it was like Jims were coming at me from all sides. He was already in the house and he was also trying to come in through the front door. he had also thrown the vase somewhere behind the deck after telling my little brother that he was going to let him touch something magical, and then had him touch the moss.

when jim came through the front door i tried slamming the door on him, didnt work, and i was too slow to lock it, so he came in and i ran outside with my little brother, somehow we got him on the ground and my little brother had what looked like a mining pick with the edge on jims neck, jim was face down, and i cant remember if i said to hit him with it or not but then the pick turned into some chainsaw type thing and i told my brother not to turn it on, but he did and grabbed jims head and cut through a peice of his skull, and i kept screaming at him to watch out for the hand that was holding jims head because i was afraid hed cut himself. after the piece of his head fell to the ground i turned away because i thought my brother would turn it off and follow me and he did, and we had blood all over us and we walked to our driveway and the cops showed up and it was like some child services lady, and two women stepped out of one car and we went over to jims body and he was still alive but talking like he was going to have some permanent mental retardation. the child services cop quickly put the piece of the head in a bag so it just looked like we had done everything in self defense, also the two women were like 'i didnt realize he was handicapped' and i was all 'he wasnt, part of his heads gone now though'

then they walked with us while i retold the story of what happened and they took me to some evergreen trees over to the side of ym house and pointed to the moss and told me that theres something in the moss from argentina thats making people violent. and that my house must be closer to argentina to be affected than they thought. i told them about jim smoking the moss and they eagerly asked me to show them where he was doing it so i became suspicious of them. i pretended like i couldnt find the vase, even though i knew it had been thrown behind the deck and near the garage, i looked at my little brother and he knew not to show it to them as well, meanwhile as this was going on some garage monster found the moss and become violent, but thats a different story, that i didnt have to deal with in this dream, i just saw the monster moving around in the garage and then it flipped back to the ladies. anyway so it got a little darker and all of a sudden the ladies grew wings and flew away and they were talking excitedly to themselves while they flew back to this huge high rise. it turns out they were trying to find some of the moss to take back to their cooperation so they could use it to monopolize their industry, also then in the dream it made sense why jim had called the moss magical.

they also took us back to their building as their little mascot children and we were still both caked with blood but there was some crazy neon looking party going on and i knew me and my bro had to bust out and run away, then my alarm went off, so the dream couldnt go further

anyway it was a really sad dream and i woke up with tears all over me, but it was also really interesting

hhaahhahaha ok ok ok

so last night we were watching 1000 ways to die and i saw this segment and alllll i could think about while i was watching it is how i wanted the words to be my new xbl info hahaha, but it was a brand new ep so i was bummed coz i couldnt remember them all and i wanted to do justice to the lines, so i tracked down the clip finally after looking for like 10 mins, this is my old xbl bio thingy just incase i want to switch it back later;

dear diary, today we is headin out on the oregon trail, our trail guide be some crazy nig, his name captain jed freeman, he must be a freeman, but seein how it be 1860, and wes in missouri, i dont see how that be possible. we are considerin turnin him into the authorities for a handsome reward of 3 virgin quaker girls, or waitin till winter come rollin round when we need extra food for the animals.

heres the clip of that i saw last night;

http://www.spike.com/video/window-pained/3107895

and heres what im putting in my bio (i changed the name to brets and she so it wouldnt confuse people too much, and also so it wouldnt cause the ghost of arnold moss to haunt me for using his story in my bio);

theres nothing like a full moon to bring out the freaks, say hello to brets scotch, when bret freaks, she peeps, into windows, bret couldnt believe her luck, shed never seen anyone make love to a refrigerator before, during the day bret was an introverted wimp, she would have never had the guts to go up to a woman this hot- but tonight she /was/ the popsicle, bret was so aroused she broke the number one rule for a peeping perv ‘stay outside the window’ but she had lost control, she leaned in too far, Su Su went kuku, and it all came crashing down, right on her pencil thin neck, bret finally learned her lesson, its not cool to peep on people, youre breaking the law, and like bret here, your neck

but i gotta shorten it somehow to only 499 characters, so im workin on that now

over and out

edit; so this is what i could come up with with my various tweaks, i think its pre dece

theres nothing like a full moon to bring out the freaks, say hello to bret, when bret freaks she peeps, bret couldnt believe her luck, shed never seen anyone make love to a refrigerator before, during the day bret was an introverted wimp, she would have never had the guts to go up to a woman this hot but tonight she /was/ the popsicle, bret was so aroused she broke the number one rule for a peeping perv ‘stay outside the window’ but she had lost control,she leaned in too far and SuSu went KuKu

kkk, im posting all the ones i think of here as ref

one day i was walking down the street all do diddly do like, when i heard a girl crying, i went over to her and said, pray tell, why do you cryith, the chick turned to me and said, im laughing so hard its making me cry, i put my hand on her shoulder and said, in that case, cry my dear, tears make the best lube