saluteeeee

dear friends,
i found an old acquaintance of mine, this giant scary looking doll my ex and i bought from goodwill for 3 dollars, we hung her on the outside of our front door, she was like a cool mascot, and the army clothes were taken off some other doll in the store because she was naked, i remember when i moved back to the dorm my last year, i set her in the window and she kept guard, man she is one cool doll, all the dogs are scared of her too, lolol



i think ill let her ride shotgun in my car since ive got to where better to put her





i decided to retire my purse, which is the only purse ive ever really enjoyed, 3 beautiful years, gd i loved you baby, but now ill use one of the purses my mom gave me that ive let sit in my trunk for like 5 years, theyre more sophisticated looking, but not as satisfying, i think im going through a phaseeee againnn


goodbye frienddd


also, good things today; my dad gave me the title to my car, and my iranian birth certificate (i was born here, but you have to get one when you go there and etc etc) so i can start the process of getting my iranian passport set up to hopefully go visit there next summer

bad news; i cant find my american passport so i might have to redo it, but i swear its somewhere around here, i had it when i came back from bolivia and belize and that was just last summer, and i havent thrown anything out, so i gotta hunt it down

more bad news; buddy ran inside the house a couple days ago to look for me and my mom started screaming and scared him out, and i havent seen the lil bugga since


also, i almost bought knitting stuff when i went to the craft store last, but i just found allll my knitting stuff from before, and even my rainbow colored yarn that i got so i could knit a rainbow colored scarf or gloves, sweeett

oh and also i brought these two babies back with me because i realized i really havent looked through them at all and mythology is one of my favorite things


also also, i cleaned my car

ok i need to find my passportttttt nowww, i keep finding all this cool stuff that i thought i threw out instead though, so its still win

oh also i wrote my resume and my internship lady said shell write me a written recommendation :D

ohh also also, i wish i could find this one sweet thing keyword bright green, thing that i want, if i ever find it ill share, but until then ill keep it hush hush

memories v2.0

i want to write down all the memories that i have with r and j that we made as kids so i can look back and read them in case i get prematurely old and get dementia and alzheimer and cant remember them for myself anymore, so ill start it now and keep editing it to update it

so in my old house, our next door neighbor was this old man that used to watch us from his window, and by watch i mean, hed cut down the hedges so he would have a clear view into our backyard, eventually that led to my dad removing the pool from it, but old man jenkins (not his actual name) watched on, anyways, so one day when r and j spent the night we said no more( we were like 11), we went up to our usual spot on the roof (i enjoyed pretending i was an explorer and used to scale the deck outside my room and then climb from there onto the roof, gd good memories) anyway, we went to the roof waiting for the sun to come up, and then we whipped out a pair of binoculars and watched the old man back as he watched us....the next week he died and we always felt like we had killed him

then this other time we were at our usual hang out spot, aka this cool park, and we noticed this gang of guys wearing chains and carrying crowbars and they were prolly high schoolers but we were about 7 so they looked huge to us, anyway, i was like, alright guys, lets just walk next to this man in a wheelchair whos walking his dog and well be safe and i turn around and r and j had run into a forest path and i was like, welp now were gonna die, but i didnt want to be left alone so i ran in after them, i think us running into the forest is what really prompted the gang to chase us, but anyway they were yelling at us while chasing us that they were gonna get us, but thankfully we knew the forest paths like the back of our hands, we jumped the creek in like 5 places to shake them off our trail and then wove our way through the forest till we came back out another side, and then we spent the rest of the afternoon hiding out in a play structure which we turned into a pirate ship with our imagination

will remember more later, im falling asleep atm, and kind of feel like just chillin and relaxing to some tunes coz its all rainy outside

<2<2<2

Jaz: ya lol brets was like I love star trek! and started humming the theme song to star wars
Roxy: aaaaaaahahahaha
Roxy: that's so brets

not gonna lie, that warmed my heart like a mofo next to a trash can fire, i love my cousinssss

also, jaz was going to make a left turn across two lanes tonight and go into a parking lot, but then hit the curb instead of going into the parking lot entrance, and my side of the car was facing oncoming traffic and i was watching the cars coming towards us while i was like, hmm jaz you might want to hurry and reverse and go into the parking lot..., but i was all calm and then when we went into the store, i like stumbled on my words so i was like, man that must have made me nervous, crazy story

and then we rented a cheesy scary movie so we could scream at random parts but i spent the whole movie narrating the characters action in a raspy voice, it was lol for me, the movie was called mirrors, but really it was more gross than anything until they introduced the idea of demons 10 mins before the movie ended, then i got scared haha

now im trying to figure out how to use the remotes to work the cable since that new switchover thing and i never watch tv so i didnt bother messing with it before haha, but im pressing buttons on 3 different remotes hoping to find the one that works

oh and im messing with aim voice with jaz, but i told her to dl skype because the aim voice wasnt working

also, jaz is showing me her baby moving inside her and i keep thinking about the movie alien and it reminds me of parasites but i dont want to say anything because i dont want to offend, aw now that i wrote that i cant resist the urge, one moment

me:...what if...what if that baby was an alien....and it clawed its way out
jaz *shakes head slowly and frowns*....that would be messed up....
me: what if that baby is the devil?
jaz: i hope not, but well see
me: did you ever see that movie where there were two pregnant ladies, and one of the babies was the devil
jaz: yeah
me: you saw that?!
jaz: no, well what i mean is i hope its not, but ive thought about stuff like that, like what if its born black, like african american
me: so if you had to choose between it being born as a black baby, or the devil, what would you choose?
jaz: black baby
me: ok, what about between a black baby and an alien
jaz: alien

oh also, when we pulled back up to the house my moms stalker was walking past the house and we were like, what the beeeeppp

also jaz is spending the night :D

oh also also, a coon (lol everytime i say coon i laugh because coon means butt in persian, but when i use coon here i mean raccoon) stole the cat food and threw it in the bushes on the neighbors side so i have to crawl through this little area and get it, and im scaredddd, but ill have to man up and do it tomorrow

oh and, ok i think this is the last note, but it totally forgot that i wanted to put this in here, its now the next morning, alright, i was at the park the other day and i saw a bull terrier, and i totally love dogs but i never really gave that breed a second glance, but after seeing it in person with the character it can have, man i am a fannnnn, i love their eyes

new adventure

alright guys, i have this super cool idea but first i have to explain the events leading up to said idea

so, it went a little something like this, my mom wanted to go to this asian store to look for liquid collagen because shes always on the lookout for crazy things like that, anyways she wanted me to go too and i was like, alright lets do thissss, really in my head i was thinking, oh man asian store, this is going to be good for some lols, because they always have the craziesssttt things, usually involving penis

so we get there and im looking around and i see this, which i had to covertly take a pciture of because my mom was like, dont doo thatttt, and i was like, whatttt its funnyyyy, its a butt but theres a peach on the box and the butt is like 3d and entices you to touch it, like back buh buh back that butt up, theres so many ways we could psychologically interpret this item, what does it /really/ mean, it cant just be a hip cream, or can it?



el oh el oh el oh el

ok continuing on with the story, so then i was wondering around the bowls section and i saw power rangers themed chop sticks and thats when it hit me, i needed to implement a new experiment using an asian bowl and chopsticks, and eat everything i normally eat using only these two tools, i also plan on using the chopsticks to knit

meet my new pals, green chopsticks, for luck as thats my favorite color and a plastic yet awesomely cool bowl with crazy, possibly rabid monkeys on it, i could draw fangs on the monkeys to spice it up a bit, or dicks to make it more authentically asian, but at the risk of looking like that kid from superbad, but we shall see, im in the process of thinking of names for these little buggas



my history with chopsticks goes back to my days in high school when we had a little love affair involving me obsessing over chopsticks, not to eat with, but to use as a drumming instrument in my car as i drove and for impromptu drum circles in random places, i also enjoyed chewing on them, but thats a different story, people used to buy me chopsticks as gifts because it was a well known fact that i lost them often, but i think ive ascended that level of douchbaggery and now id like to reunite with my long lost love to form an alliance and to finally use them for what they were made for; eating, and knitting

so while i polished my moms hardwood floors, which is by far my most favorite cleaning thing to do, (they shine so much, like theyre brand new) i decided to full on jump into it and ill use my other great scotch blog to document this expedition, also a note on cleaning, i loveeee cleaning for other people, like were having a bbq today so i was like speed cleaning and staging my moms house (which im in love with, i was like, mommy when you die can i have your house, she said yes) ok yeah i was speed cleaning and i figure if there was ever a competition of who could clean most efficiently and effectively in the least amount of time, id be the world champion, we could even do a show about it that was similar to iron chef, id have a cool title and people could choose to challenge me

alright, thats all for now, oh also note i didnt get the power rangers chopsticks because i figured theyd be hard to knit with because theyre super small, but i may or may not alter my plan and go and get them just to have two pairs

oh also my moms mothersday birdfeeder is awesome, i put glow in the dark paint on it so it glows at night kakakaka

wika wika zommbieee

okokokok guys check this news out

i was driving down the road all do diddly do, listening to some rock because i had this wicked craving for it and then all of a sudden the song gets interrupted by a JESUS i just took a sip of my supposedly warm milk and it burnedddddd, man that was pretty tricky of the microwave

ok what was i saying

oh yeah yeah ok, so the song was interrupted by this broadcast about how zombies had taken over east burnside and i was like...oh man, this can only lead to something good, AND IT DID, after the song was over the djs mentioned zombie prom is next week, dudeeeee- that is cool. not that im interested in dressing up as a zombie, or even going because zombies creep me out, even if theyre not real zombies, but i like the idea that theyre putting on cool events like that, its too bad i didnt know any crazy l4d people that i could talk into dressing up with me as survivors, id be down for that, id be zoey, im sure no one would want to be louis, as usual, so wed just put a red tie on a black dog

but theyre also showing a bunch of zombie movies at the hollywood theater which would be fun to go to

man, anyway then this guy from geek in the city started talking about this book, which i didnt catch the name of because i got sidetracked with something else, possibly driving, but its about how satan sends up zombies to take over the earth and then god is like nuh uhh wiatchh, not on my shift, and so god sends jesus down with a retarded zombie sidekick names lazarus and a male stripper sidekick named king, and like he plops down and saves some people at a quickie mart from the zombies and then tries to snag some jerky but they pull a gun on him and theyre like you gotta pay up and hes all, what the beep i jsut saved you guys

so hes like super jesus, but he cant go all shamwow and turn guns into loaves of bread or anything, but he has super quick healing powers, like he went from dead to alive in 3 days, but if he gets bitten and then killed by the zombies hes like stuck on earth forever and cant go back to heaven and that would disrupt the rapture

and abraham lincoln comes to help him through his space time rift, except when abe shows up he brings a werewolf with him because up until the civil war abe was an avid werewolf hunter, anyway abe incoln up in heaven would only talk about werewolves but jesus never believed him because he was all, man werewolves dont exist but now he knows they do because abeskie brought one with him, although this abe lincoln doesnt know that heaven abe lincoln talked about werewolves all the time in heaven, ok but also, right before they went through the time portal abe cut the werewolves arm off and the werewolf was trying to cauterize the wound with a frying pan when satan showed up and was like, theres no need for that lad, im gonna need some allys, so the werewolves are on satans side too

and then they said that jesus and abe lincoln go around punting babies, but theyre zombie babies so its all kosher, like pow pow, but man i gotta find the name of this book because it sounds like itd be fun to read after my non fiction stint is over

gonna check out that geek in the city website now

amen

the bagoffee obsession

title says it all my little shegras, im like a stray cat when it comes to a bagel and coffee now, all i want is a lil bagoffee love, meow nigs meow

ok in all seriousness though, lately ive been taking my runs on a tangent and hitting up the store for a bagel and coffee and man, i dont know if its the caffeine or the succulent jam, or the fact that everything is organic and super expensive, but hot damn lil mama, that is some good beep

anyway today i didnt go and all i can think about now is how i want some bagel and coffee action, so i think im going to be a yes man and say yes to this addiction and go get it

peace out sugar britches