wika wika zommbieee

okokokok guys check this news out

i was driving down the road all do diddly do, listening to some rock because i had this wicked craving for it and then all of a sudden the song gets interrupted by a JESUS i just took a sip of my supposedly warm milk and it burnedddddd, man that was pretty tricky of the microwave

ok what was i saying

oh yeah yeah ok, so the song was interrupted by this broadcast about how zombies had taken over east burnside and i was like...oh man, this can only lead to something good, AND IT DID, after the song was over the djs mentioned zombie prom is next week, dudeeeee- that is cool. not that im interested in dressing up as a zombie, or even going because zombies creep me out, even if theyre not real zombies, but i like the idea that theyre putting on cool events like that, its too bad i didnt know any crazy l4d people that i could talk into dressing up with me as survivors, id be down for that, id be zoey, im sure no one would want to be louis, as usual, so wed just put a red tie on a black dog

but theyre also showing a bunch of zombie movies at the hollywood theater which would be fun to go to

man, anyway then this guy from geek in the city started talking about this book, which i didnt catch the name of because i got sidetracked with something else, possibly driving, but its about how satan sends up zombies to take over the earth and then god is like nuh uhh wiatchh, not on my shift, and so god sends jesus down with a retarded zombie sidekick names lazarus and a male stripper sidekick named king, and like he plops down and saves some people at a quickie mart from the zombies and then tries to snag some jerky but they pull a gun on him and theyre like you gotta pay up and hes all, what the beep i jsut saved you guys

so hes like super jesus, but he cant go all shamwow and turn guns into loaves of bread or anything, but he has super quick healing powers, like he went from dead to alive in 3 days, but if he gets bitten and then killed by the zombies hes like stuck on earth forever and cant go back to heaven and that would disrupt the rapture

and abraham lincoln comes to help him through his space time rift, except when abe shows up he brings a werewolf with him because up until the civil war abe was an avid werewolf hunter, anyway abe incoln up in heaven would only talk about werewolves but jesus never believed him because he was all, man werewolves dont exist but now he knows they do because abeskie brought one with him, although this abe lincoln doesnt know that heaven abe lincoln talked about werewolves all the time in heaven, ok but also, right before they went through the time portal abe cut the werewolves arm off and the werewolf was trying to cauterize the wound with a frying pan when satan showed up and was like, theres no need for that lad, im gonna need some allys, so the werewolves are on satans side too

and then they said that jesus and abe lincoln go around punting babies, but theyre zombie babies so its all kosher, like pow pow, but man i gotta find the name of this book because it sounds like itd be fun to read after my non fiction stint is over

gonna check out that geek in the city website now

amen